Whistleblower Loneliness
Did you know whistleblower loneliness is common? It’s ironic because whistleblowers and victims of workplace harassment, discrimination, and retaliation tend to have everyone’s attention in specific moments in time. And yet, blowing this whistle is an extremely lonely experience.
From the outside, whistleblowing sounds like an event, something that happens and then is done. The reality is that whistleblowing is a process, not an event. It doesn’t even start with blowing the whistle. Whistleblowing starts with the realization of an event or connecting the dots in a series of events, which leads to an internal struggle like no other – Do I say something? Do I not? What happens if I say something? What happens if I do not? Can I live with myself if I come forward? Can I live with myself if I do not?
Whistleblowing is at best a Cha-cha dance with one step forward and another step back, until it morphs into a tornado that shreds every aspect of your life to pieces. Your relationships with your colleagues, peers, friends, and family are not spared in its path. You must be prepared for this. And as we say this, we caution: no one can ever truly be prepared for the loss that may ensue. It’s a good idea to read about other whistleblowers, and if possible, to speak with them too.
Preserving Your Support Network
Whistleblowing isn’t for everyone. When you choose to blow the whistle, you choose to expose yourself to a multitude of scary and humbling scenarios. Seemingly overnight you will be on everyone’s radar as the person who blew the whistle, and some of your close acquaintances will have choice words for you. Your co-workers will have choice words for you. That attention extends beyond you and rockets your support system. Perhaps more accurately, it erodes or obliterates your network.
But most people have someone they can turn to no matter what. As you lean on that person for support, make sure you don’t overwhelm them or become dependent on their guidance. This is difficult and yet necessary to preserve this lifeline of a friend. Remember, while you are experiencing this seismic shift, your friend’s life is also moving full steam ahead, with all of its own unique ups and downs that have nothing to do with your situation. You’ll need to work twice as hard to keep things in perspective because from where you stand, it will likely feel as if the world is crumbling down.
How to Beat Whistleblower Loneliness
Chances are, as a whistleblower, you have legal counsel advising you on several matters. One of those matters will likely be what to say and more pointedly, what not to say. This means, you may not be able to talk about your situation publicly for now. It also means you’ll need to be careful what you say and who you say it to, even in private. The rules may be strict surrounding this and it tends to become easier to just keep quiet. Anything you say could be used against you. Anything you write could end up splashed on the front cover of a newspaper. This creates quite an isolating experience.
Your co-workers, your friends, your family - they might not understand why you did what you did. And that's why therapy can be important for whistleblowers. You need to have a support system in place, because people will try to tear you down. It is said that a problem shared is a problem halved, and this is especially true when it comes to dealing with tough times. When faced with a challenge, it can be immensely helpful to have someone to confide in, someone who will offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
To get ahead of the isolation that follows whistleblowing and speaking truth to power, here are a few other things you can do:
Be aware. Knowledge is power and it’s also comforting to know that things will be upside down, believe it or not.
Select a friend or two you really trust that you can speak with about your case in person, in private. Someone who is interested and will cheerlead your efforts.
Steer clear of the Nervous Nellies in your life – anyone that adds stress should be distanced for now.
Make a new acquaintance or friend who knows nothing about your case and keep it that way. Call this person to talk about other things, go to lunch, see a movie, get to that art exhibit.
Identify friends by coast. Want to speak with someone as a distraction at 8 am, who do you know in your time zone or on the east coast where it’s a different time? Want to call a friend at 11 pm? If you don’t have any friends that are up late and you are on the east coast, who do you know out west?
Take a class – in person or online where you learn a new skill or build upon an old one.
Volunteer for a non-profit.
Make a new recipe for dinner.
Go for a walk to a different part of your neighborhood.
Join a gym or exercise class.
Dive into a hobby, dust off your high school Spanish, buy some knitting needles and watch YouTube tutorials.
Watch a new season of your favorite show on TV or a video streaming service.
Chat with people for free and learn cool things on Clubhouse, Twitch, or 7Cups.
If you’re religious attend a service online or in person.
How to Cure Whistleblower Loneliness
None of these ideas will cure whistleblower loneliness but they will help you to manage your feelings. Perhaps the most important tip for how to cope with whistleblower loneliness is to remember that you’re in this for a finite amount of time. You may not know when this will end, but it will end.
Your job right now is to make this ‘in-between’ time the best you can make it for yourself. You cannot control what people will say or do, but you can control what you say and do. And perhaps even more importantly, you are in charge of what you tell yourself. A lot of people will be actively trying to discredit you. You have to be mentally and emotionally strong. Your mindset is your everything. You will have a ton of obstacles and challenges on your path; you cannot afford to be one of them.
If you’ve blown the whistle, it’s because you’ve done what you felt you needed to do. Blowing the whistle is an act of resilience. It takes courage to speak up against wrongdoings, especially when you're up against powerful people or institutions. But it's important to remember that your voice matters. You have the power to make change in your workplace and in the world.
That’s something to hold your head up high for. While whistleblower loneliness is a very real thing, every so often stop to remember who you are; it will change the game.
